


Ghost Of Christmas Past

by MadameCissy



Category: Major Crimes (TV), The Closer
Genre: Christmas, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-09 01:49:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5520923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadameCissy/pseuds/MadameCissy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set at the end of the Major Crimes episode 4x18 "Penalty Phase", during the Christmas party. Brenda makes an unexpected entrance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ghost Of Christmas Past

**Author's Note:**

> You don't need to have seen the episode mentioned. Merry Christmas!

_All I ask is..._  
_If this is my last night with you_  
_Hold me like I'm more than just a friend_  
_Give me a memory I can use_  
_Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do_  
  
_Adele - All I Ask_

The party had been in full swing for about an hour. The case had been brought to a good end and not even the fact that Sharon Beck was out on parole could make Sharon Raydor feel any less festive. As her eyes drifted around the room and she saw the smiles on people's faces, she felt a sense of pride about standing here today. It had been a long time since the Murder Room had been filled with so much laughter. Christmas tunes were playing on Buzz's computer. The egg nog was flowing generously and the food was tasty and Rusty had been brave enough to ask Gus to come too. She'd wondered about them in recent weeks and maybe, just maybe, something good was indeed about to happen.

"Listen up, everyone!" Chief Taylor announced unexpectedly but his voice barely reached out over the Christmas tunes and people's voices. It seemed that Sanchez and Andy were deliberately ignoring him, considering they were standing right next to him. From across the room he briefly made eye contact with Sharon.

"Hey!" Provenza shouted when no one showed any signs of stopping what they were doing. "The Chief has something to say."

"Thank you, Lieutenant." There was a hint of sarcasm in Taylor's voice. Provenza merely raised his cup.

"Now that all of you are here, I think now is a good time to tell you that Robbery/Homicide is covering the holiday weekend which means Major Crimes has the next few days off." He grinned widely. "Surprise. And Merry Christmas."

There was a simultaneous cheer from Sanchez and Sykes and Provenza just picked up another cup and took a large gulp. He was about to turn away when movement in the doorway of the Murder Room caught his eye.

He turned around fully just as Fritz Howard said, "On the subject of surprises..."

Sharon turned around too, following Provenza's gaze, and the paper cup in her hand almost slipped from her fingers. She blinked, confused. It felt like she was staring at a memory from a different life.

"Merry Christmas, ya'll."

Brenda Leigh Johnson's Southern drawl was unmistakable.

There was a moment of silence, the length of a heartbeat, and then there was laughter and cheers and Sanchez was the first one to pull Brenda into a hug, followed by Andy. By the time Andy hugged his former commanding officer, Sanchez and Tao gave each other a high five. Provenza moved closer to Brenda next but before he hugged her, he looked over his shoulder. His eyes found Sharon but she wasn't looking at him. She was staring at Brenda and that single look confirmed for him that the Christmas Sharon had imagined, had just fallen apart.

"It's good to see you, Chief," Sanchez said, still beaming.

Andy chimed in, "I thought you were still in Washington."

"So did I."

Sharon's words were soft and she finally met Brenda's eyes across the length of the Murder Room.

"Sharon."

Brenda said the brunettes name quietly but smiled anyway, aware of the eyes that were fixed on her from all across the room. She pushed her hands clumsily into the pockets of the black slacks she was wearing. "It's good to see you."

Sharon's nails dug into the paper cup. She punctured it just above the level of her drink. A shiver crept down her spine and her stomach turned the longer she looked at Brenda. She felt sick. Not like she was about to throw up but like someone had punched her in the gut, hard, and had robbed her of her breath. The back of her throat felt dry. She wanted to turn around and walk away but she stood nailed to the ground.

"It's good to see you too, Brenda."

"So, Chief, are you back for the holidays?" Tao asked as he handed Brenda a cup of egg nog. She accepted with a gracious smile. They were always going to call her Chief, even four years after leaving Major Crimes.

"Actually," Fritz answered, bright eyes fixed on his wife, and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Brenda's moving back to Los Angeles."

"Really?" Sanchez asked.

"Really," Brenda smiled. She stiffened when she felt Fritz's arm around her. She wanted to look at Sharon but didn't. "I've been offered a job at the CIA's field office here in Los Angeles."

Andy raised his glass and said, "I think I speak for all of us when I say, 'welcome back, Chief.'"

From that point on, the party carried on like nothing had changed. Fritz introduced Brenda to Amy Sykes before Brenda caught up with Rusty. She hesitated when she approached him, gave him a choice, and he opted to shake her hand instead of hug her. He had never been one for physical contact and Sharon wasn't surprised to see that Brenda had not been permitted into the small circle of people who Rusty hugged.

She watched the interaction between them from a distance. Andy stood beside her, his hand on her arm. He didn't say anything. He didn't have to. He just stood in silence as she watched Brenda and Rusty. She knew that, in a way, she owed Brenda for bringing Rusty into her life. To see them now, together, four years later, did something to her she hadn't expected. It made her feel angry and sad and confused, all at the same time. The emotions spiralled around inside of her, wound themselves around her heart, tightening its grip, the longer she looked.

Sharon chewed her lip and then turned to Andy. "Excuse me," she said softly. "I just need to..."

She walked away without finishing that sentence.

The interrogation room was far enough away from everywhere to finally feel like she could escape. When the door closed behind her, Sharon rested against it with her back and let her head fall against the door. The tears stung behind her eyes and she took a ragged breath. It hurt. It hurt to breathe. Her heart pounded in her chest. She clenched and relaxed her fists in an attempt to release some of the anxiety that had built up inside her since laying eyes on Brenda.

"Sharon?"

She jumped away from the door and spun around. The door opened slightly and Brenda appeared. "Sharon, may I come in?"

"You're already in," Sharon snapped. Her voice was sharp and edgy. "Suit yourself."

Brenda closed the door behind her and turned to face the brunette who was now leaning against the table, arms folded in front of her chest. For a moment, Brenda was struck by the memory of the hours she had spent in this very room. And now she was back here as a visitor, a stranger. This was Sharon's domain now. Brenda didn't belong here anymore.

"I'm sorry," Brenda whispered. Her voice carried an echo of regret. "I shoulda called."

"To let me know you were coming or just in general?" Sharon's eyes had darkened a little. Anger flickered behind them.

Brenda looked defeated but nodded. "I deserve that."

"You deserve a whole lot more than that. What were you thinking, walking back in here like nothing happened?" Sharon shook her head and plucked at some invisible dust on her grey sweater. Her voice was softer, almost pained, when she spoke again. "I wasn't expecting this, Brenda."

"I...I know and I'm sorry, Sharon."

Brenda tentatively crossed the room but waited a couple of steps away from Sharon to see if the older woman would reject her. Sharon didn't move, didn't try to get away from her so Brenda closed the remaining distance and carefully placed her hand on Sharon's. Sharon jerked and pulled her hand away. Green eyes snapped up at Brenda and Brenda saw everything Sharon couldn't put into words. Those beautiful green eyes were filled with hurt and pain, were full of accusation and loss.

"You can't do this," Sharon whispered. "You can't walk back in here and expect things to be like they were before."

Brenda shook her head. "I'm not." Brown eyes pierced into green. "I know about you and Andy."

"He's a good man, Brenda."

"And he probably treats you a whole lot better than I ever did."

"Brenda…."

"Don't say it. We both know that I screwed up."

Sharon swallowed. "Is it true?" she then asked. "Are you moving back to Los Angeles?"

"Yes," Brenda confessed. "I... I didn't know how to tell you." She looked away, her eyes focusing on a scuff mark on the floor, clearly left behind by someone's shoes. She chewed the inside of her cheek.

It had been a little over a year since the job offer in Washington. A year since telling Sharon she was leaving. A year since leaving Sharon. A year since their affair ended.

It had started in the weeks after she shot Philip Stroh. Sharon was there for her. Day or night. She was there to talk to and to cry on and, eventually, for everything else too. The transition from friends to lovers was effortless and didn't come as a surprise to either of them. It just felt like the natural thing to happen between them. But it was complicated by the fact that Brenda was still married and struggled with her job at the DA's office and the fact that Sharon was still married, although separated, and had taken Rusty into her home and was now in charge of leading Major Crimes but somehow, despite everything, they always found time for each other.

Until Washington.

It had ended then. Brenda had chosen the opportunity to finally get away from the demons of her past, the shadows lurking in Los Angeles, and fled to Washington. It didn't just reveal the cracks in her marriage to Fritz, it also broke her relationship with Sharon. She'd called maybe once or twice and then... Then she'd done what she always did. She pretended nothing had happened and she'd carried on somehow without Sharon. Day by day, week by week. Alone. Like she had done so many other times before, she just turned her back and walked away.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, the CIA came knocking, asking her to come back to Los Angeles. And Fritz wanted to fix their marriage, for whatever it was worth because somehow he still believed, and so she came back. Back to where it had all begun, back to Sharon.

"So," Sharon said softly, cutting through the silence that hung between them. She looked up at Brenda with questioning eyes. "Why did you really come back?"

"Sharon, I wasn't expectin' things not to have changed. It's been a year. A lot happens in a year. Though, I've got to admit, you and Andy... I didn't see that comin'."

"Yeah, you're not the only one. But he stepped up." Sharon swallowed.

She'd loved Brenda. Most days she wasn't sure if she didn't still love her. Losing her had opened up a hole inside her heart she thought had healed in all the years since Jack had left. But that kind of hurt, the hurt of not being someone's first choice, never quite went away. It had scarred over the years but Brenda had sliced the wound right back open again.

She had to say it. If she didn't say it now she knew she would regret it. Maybe not tonight or tomorrow, but eventually.

"I've missed you."

Brenda sighed. "I've missed you too, Sharon." She took a step back towards the door. "But I had my chance and I let it slip away. I came back to Los Angeles not just because of the CIA but because Fritz expects me to work on our marriage. I don't want to. There is nothin' to work on. It's been dead a long time. No amount of time or effort is gonna bring that spark back." With her hand over the doorknob, Brenda hesitated but then she said, still without making eye contact. "I came back because of you, Sharon. To see if I could fix what I broke. I can't undo what I did but I can try to be better."

She opened the door and went to step out of the room but before she could leave, Sharon appeared behind her and put a hand on her arm.

"Wait."

Brenda slowly turned around and found Sharon looking at her with big green eyes. She saw confusion and hurt. She knew Sharon wanted to still be angry at her, and she had every right to be. But she also saw the conflicted emotions and Brenda suddenly felt guilty. Guilty for having walked back in her with no regard for how Sharon would feel. Granted, she hadn't known about Sharon and Andy, but it didn't change anything. Had she really expected Sharon to still be pining for her after a year? Had she truly been that selfish? Admitting to herself that, yes, she really had been that selfish, made Brenda look at herself like a monster.

"Sharon, I am so sorry. I shouldn't have come. At least not without tellin' you. I was only thinkin' of myself and I didn't once stop to think about you." Brenda snorted a little. "It seems I have a habit of doin' that, or so I've been told." Her brown eyes found Sharon's green. "But it's what I've always done, isn't it? Throughout our entire relationship I never once considered you. I didn't divorce my husband and then I just left you. And here I am, back again, because it's what I wanted. I never once asked what you wanted. And I am so sorry."

Sharon moved closer to Brenda. Her eyes briefly dropped to the blonde's pink lips.

"Ask me now."

Brenda blinked, confused. "What?"

"Ask me what I want," Sharon breathed. "Ask me, Brenda Leigh."

Brenda's voice almost broke and she let a hand come to a rest on Sharon's hip. A familiar place. A comfortable place. Somewhere she had longed to be for way longer than she liked to admit.

Home.

"What do you want, Sharon?"

"I want to not be second best. I spent most of my adult life being second best to alcohol, to gambling, to other women. I don't want to be second best anymore. I want you to choose me."

Brenda stepped back into the interrogation room and slammed the door behind her. Both her hands crept up along Sharon's arms and eventually she cupped her cheeks. Slowly she pulled Sharon closer, watched how the brunette's eyes fluttered shut as she sighed contently against Brenda's lips. And she kissed her. She softly kissed her. And again. And again. Longer and more persistent. She felt Sharon's tongue beg for entrance and Brenda felt herself fall into the abyss when she greeted Sharon's tongue with her own. Her fingers threaded themselves in Sharon's thick brown locks and she hummed when Sharon's arms closed around her back, pulling her closer. They stumbled a little and then came to a stop against the table.

They parted, both panting slightly, and Sharon rested her forehead against Brenda's. Her hands still rested on the blonde's hips and Brenda had wedged herself between Sharon's legs. Slowly Sharon opened her eyes and found Brenda looking at her. The look in her eyes was intense, almost fiery.

"I choose you," Brenda whispered as she softly took a strand of Sharon's hair and caressed it between two fingers. "I choose you, Sharon Elizabeth O'Dwyer Raydor."

She kissed Sharon again, harder this time, and Sharon willingly responded. She hungrily captured Brenda's bottom lip between her teeth and chuckled when Brenda whimpered in a mixture of pleasure and pain. Brenda pushed her knee forward, against Sharon's center, and the older woman felt the electricity jolt through her veins. She pushed back, teasingly, and it only spurred Brenda on.

Her right hand cupped one of Sharon's breasts through her dress as her left pushed the grey cardigan she wore down her arms. Brenda's lips journeyed from Sharon's mouth to her neck and her tongue circled her earlobe before sucking down on her pulse point. Sharon's head fell back, gorgeous brown locks spilling down her back, and she grabbed a firmer hold of Brenda's hips.

"Ooooh," she sighed when Brenda's teeth nipped at the soft skin along her jaw. Whatever little bit of self control she had left was quickly fading. "Oh God, Brenda, I've missed you."

Brenda felt Sharon's nipple harden against the palm of her hand even through her dress. Her left hand slowly began inching up her lover's dress, eventually just shamelessly grabbing a fistful of fabric and yanking it up over Sharon's hips. Sharon shuddered when she felt Brenda's fingertips against her bare thigh and turned her head so she could capture her lips for another kiss. Brenda greedily accepted.

"I've missed you too, Sharon."

Brenda cupped Sharon's sex through her panties and the older woman groaned in pleasure and ground herself against Brenda's hand. She had missed the blonde's touch, had missed the feel of her fingers against her skin, the taste of her lips. Brenda had been her downfall, her weakness. She was almost like poison, but one that she was prepared and willing to drink over and over again.

Somewhere deep down Sharon knew she ought to be ashamed of what she was doing. She was seeing Andy, Brenda was still married and she had only just walked back into her life after abandoning her. It was like she had no control over herself when it came down to Brenda. But right now she didn't even care about the fact that, just down the hall, Brenda's husband was sharing drinks with Andy. Andy, who had been so kind and good to her and who had done his best to fill a void in her life he didn't even know existed. Her life had been stable and full, she had put it back together so carefully and now she was prepared to let it all fall apart.

She was prepared to let Brenda take her right here on this table. Modesty and shame be damned.

"Oooh..." Sharon lost the ability to speak coherently when Brenda's slender fingers dipped behind her underwear and slid effortlessly through slick, wet folds. She hissed sharply when Brenda circled over her clit and she desperately reached for her lover's shoulders, hair... Anything. She clung to Brenda as she spread her legs a little wider and then...

Brenda entered her softly and slowly, pushing past the last boundary, and her two fingers filled Sharon up. For the longest of moments neither of them moved, both getting lost in the current moment as well as the memories that had brought them here.

When Brenda moved her fingers, Sharon nearly collapsed. She rested her head against Brenda's shoulder, clinging to her lover's lithe frame as Brenda slowly pushed her fingers in and out of her. She bit down on her tongue as Brenda kissed the side of her neck. They melted perfectly together. The years had brought them to this moment; they knew each other as well as they knew themselves.

"Oh God," Sharon moaned softly when Brenda curled her fingers inside of her. "Brenda... Oh... Oh..." Her fingers tangled in Brenda's thick curls as her lover's thrusts quickened and became more urgent. What had started off slowly now became more urgent and frenzied."Yes... Oh..." She rocked her hips, pressing herself harder against Brenda.

Brenda hummed softly and then trailed her lips from Sharon's neck back to her mouth. The older woman's lips were plump and swollen from their previous kisses and Sharon desperately answered Brenda's kiss. She wound her arms tightly around Brenda's neck and lifted one leg off the floor, wrapping it around her lover's waist. She balanced against the table and sucked Brenda's lower lip into her mouth.

Sharon felt the familiar sensation in the pit of the belly as it began to rise. She knew it wouldn't take long. She tasted the sweetness of Brenda's kiss and Brenda caressed Sharon's body through her dress, her hand still between Sharon's thighs. The wetness was warm and sticky and covered her fingers and hand. With every push, every flick over Sharon's clit, Brenda knew the brunette was getting closer.

"Oh... Right there... Don't... Don't stop..." Sharon briefly tore her lips away from Brenda's. Her head fell to the side and her eyes rolled back into her head as her lover brushed her thumb over her swollen bundle of nerves.

Sharon came with an outcry of lust and a gush of warm wetness that coated Brenda's fingers. She shuddered as she collapsed against Brenda, beads of sweat glistening on her forehead and her hair tousled, her dress wrinkled.

"It's OK," Brenda soothed when she felt Sharon shiver.

She'd pulled her hand away and clumsily tried to smooth some of the creases out of the soft fabric of Sharon's dress. She stroked Sharon's hair and kissed the top of her head.

"I choose you," she whispered when Sharon lifted up her head and Brenda saw the tears in her eyes. "Sharon, I choose you."

There was a knock on the door and they both heard Rusty shout, "Mom? Mom, you in here?" before the door flew open and revealed a flushed looking teenager. He came bursting in but almost tripped over his own feet when he realized Sharon wasn't alone and his eyes widened when he noticed Sharon was leaning against Brenda and Brenda's arms were still resting on his mother's hips.

"Oh."

"It's OK, Rusty," Sharon said softly and fixed her eyes on her son. She could see the panic and the confusion and she knew she had to soothe the emotions immediately before they would start eating at him. He had never known about her and Brenda and she knew that he had only just come to ters with her dating Andy. Explaining to him what was going on was not going to be easy.

"What's wrong?"

"Chief Taylor is looking for you," Rusty answered. He still seemed unsure, like Sharon's answer had not eased his suspicion. "I think he like wants you to give a speech or something." He looked from Sharon to Brenda and back. Brenda had taken a quick step back and her teeth worried her bottom lip. Rusty seemed to sense something in the air. "Is everything all right?"

"It's fine. Brenda and I were just discussing what her return to Los Angeles could mean for Major Crimes. Maybe it will have a benefit in some of our investigations as the CIA has resources we don't have." Sharon glanced at Brenda. She was still not looking at Sharon so she looked back and smiled at her son encouragingly. Lying had always been Brenda's strength but somehow this was easy, maybe too easy.

"Tell Chief Taylor I'll be right there."

Rusty nodded and closed the door. The sound of it falling in its lock made Sharon release her breath.

Brenda looked up, still chewing her lip. When she met Sharon's gaze she couldn't help but smile. "Nothing's changed," she grinned, remembering a few occasions where they had almost been caught. Once they were almost caught by Rusty. They'd gotten together at Sharon's condo because Rusty was supposed to be studying at the house of one of his classmates but he arrived home earlier than expected and Brenda couldn't remember ever zipping her jeans up as fast as she had done that night. On several occasions Fritz had interrupted them, once during a rather intense phone sex session, and one time it had been Provenza who had walked in on them mere moments after they'd gotten dressed after having sex in Sharon's office.

"I'm going to have to talk to him," Sharon sighed and looked up at Brenda. She sheepishly smiled. "I'm really glad you're back, Brenda."

"Me too," Brenda chuckled and placed a quick peck on Sharon's nose. "Merry Christmas, Sharon."

Sharon started for the door. Brenda followed her and in the open doorway she turned. Sharon's hand rested on the small of her back. She leaned in, stole a kiss and sighed contently when Brenda brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Merry Christmas, Brenda."


End file.
